By: Lulu Gleason
As someone who has experienced both sides of the spectrum it’s hard to say which was better or which one would have worked out more. A lot of research has been put into this question: ‘Does age difference in relationships attribute to its success or downfall?’ This isn’t a blog about proof one works more so than the other, but a way to hopefully broaden your horizons. Gain a clear perspective of both sides of the story.
You see so many articles that tell you that the age difference solely depends on maturity. To be honest I really believe that age gaps are more about flexibility, understanding and maturity. To say that you won’t work with your boyfriend because of a 20 year age gap and that you’re not mature enough to make it work is just plain silly.
As someone who has dated both older and younger men I’ve found that maturity does have its sneaky way of showing up in relationships but that could be said about any relationship weither the couple were only 1-2 years apart or 10-20 years apart.
Flexibility and understanding are key players in the game of dating. You also have to have both sides in the relationship that want to make the relationship work. It’s never fun with just one partner doing everything.
I dated a guy once who was 11 years my senior, it was a fun relationship. We had mutual respect for each other and in many ways he had helped me grow as a person as I hope I was able to help him grow as a person. In so many ways the relationship was working out fine.
He had such a young guy’s attitude I never really paid notice to the small things, like our differences in music, movies and personal life endeavors etc. Later on in the relationship those small things started to stick out like sore thumbs. We argued about children (which I hear is the number 1 topic for couples with large age gaps) I wanted them and he felt he was too old to start having them.
Money, which is the leading cause of a lot of divorces now days, was another fraction that added to the undeniable vision of our inevitable downfall. He started to feel that I didn’t find him to be attractive enough (hard to believe any man would even to admit this but sometimes they need a little affirmation in this department too!).
And then there was the biggest problem for me, he wanted to live the life of someone who wanted no children and could be free to just ‘grab yer partner’ and go. He had never really believed in marriage and when we had first gotten together as a couple it wasn’t something I was really prepared to think about. I was never looking to have children right away but still I wanted the open option of having that chance later on in the relationship.
As much as I would have loved the idea of just being able to just get up and go at any given time. I also started to feel the need of something more stable, perhaps a marriage or some type of permanent binding sometime down the line of our relationship. Needless to say because of our differences we decided to part ways and remained friends.
A few months pass, and I had met a guy who was younger than me. He was charismatic, funny and I’ll be the first to admit when I found out how old he was I labeled our relationship as strictly friendship. I just couldn’t seem to get past the normal stereotype that most people seem to follow when it comes to relationships.
A year passes and one night he finally found the courage to ask me out. I’ll admit the thought struck me a bit funny. Here I’ve never really dated anyone who was younger than I. It made me wonder about age differences and relationships. How plausible would it be that such a thing worked out? We live in a world where stereotypically it’s more acceptable for the male to be older than the female but only by so much of a gap. I have noticed is a striking rise of age difference between couples amongst my friends and family.
We see so many examples in the media, like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, and my all time favorite celeb couple with age difference Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. These couples have seemed to be able to work through all of there differences because:
1. They want to make the relationship work
2. They are understanding of each others needs within the relationship and are flexible in thier diplomacy to make sure both sides are happy within the relationship and
3. They have a matching maturity level that helps both sides maintain the relationship.
I guess you could say that age gaps have no vanity when it comes to matters of the heart. Of course there are limitations and restrictions but that could be said about anything. Hopefully with this blog I was able to help broaden the perspective of both sides. There’s nothing wrong with two consensual adults that have found what it is that they are looking for in each other as long as they are happy, healthy and progressive in there lives.
Love and Light,
Your blog buddy
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