Tears from a Deeper Well


By : Nikki Savage


 
I decided to revisit my intention for the year.  To live fully with integrity.  To do this I must know my full truth and accept it.  The wonderful, the terrible and the God awful, all of it.
 
To live with integrity is to live without worry about how I will be perceived by others because I know I am living my truth.   When I live with integrity, words and deeds jive and I resonate with a universal vibe.  In that way, I level up from worry and fear because I know my Truth and I’m cool with it.
 
As I sit with a heavy emotion, I find myself discovering a more subtle level of integrity.  How do I integrate experiences of the deeper emotions?   The feelings I do not want to know.  How do I find integrity and wholeness with an emotion that feels like it is tearing me apart?
 
I’m finding as I sit with this, the pain isn’t from me falling apart.  It is the emotion carving out space in my heart.  It is the emotion asking me to find a deeper truth in my soul to fill in that space.  To find a new understanding of myself and this world and beyond it all.  And my integrity is maintained as I let that new truth settle into my bones.  It isn’t easy and it hurts.  But I have lived this now and it has changed me.  And I would be disrespecting myself if I tried to keep living with my old limited view.
 
In this space, it comes down to a choice.  Do I choose fear and pretend I don’t have this deeper knowing?  Or do I stay open to this excavation of my soul and allow it to dig deeper still?
 
It is hard to accept the darkness of life.  But it is still life, isn’t it?  I cannot separate the dark from the light and be whole.  Not if it is true.  So I accept it and allow it to season me how it will.  And
 
I keep hold of the love as I find my new stride.  In this way I move through this space with my Truth intact.  In this way, I move forward with integrity.
 
How have you integrated life’s deeper lessons?  How do you find your Truth in the dark?
 

 
 
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2 Thoughts on “Tears from a Deeper Well

  1. This was fantastic couldn’t of been sent to me at a better moment.. My life is pain my regrets are greater pain of addition loss of everything morals my truth my code tho never perfect I lived by with integraity until I lost myself gave into the darkness lost my light myself. Allowed loved ones kids pets partners slip through my fingers dissapeared into another world not one thing is the same about me 2 years on and I anger myself hate myself everyday i fool myself into thinking the darkness is better easier more of a life not just a escape.. Then I slap myself back into reality I once liked myself I never cared what others thought of who I loved why I loved how I lived why I lived a certained way until the one I loved took my light cos I key him.. Manipulation torture greed messy beings took over my world slowly dined the light I hate what i be become cold selfish alone no one not the one I love to live me back how can I be loved when I hare myself when I despise what I have become.. Guilt keeps me in the dark regret holds me back but reading this was beautiful.. I know deep down my truth what I once shined so bright my grandma my angel my daughter bonnie my star that lights my way from a higher power above my mother and father sister and brother and all extended family of course that kept the light shining when I was lost my angel in earth elly such a star here on earth who took my baby’s in and raised them as her own never judged and is always proud and a beautiful member of our family a second mother to my Boy’s my children were my life my light my soul. My morals my outlook on thus world was kept bright and always grateful for what we had tho never perfect I loved them to loose them I see now I lost myself first that’s why in this position I clung to my greatest lover my penguin for light till I dimmed his to we love eachother he’s my soul mate I know that’s my truth but I need to figure I it myself where did I go I’m lost but now reading that I know what I need to do to find my truth again my soul my reason for exsisting my integrity purpose and its to rise above all wrongs inflicted on me forgive never forget but move on remember how I was raised the morals respect way of life I was always shown I need to recover me my path to my kids my family then all other things will fall into place when I’m comfortable being me living my truth with integrity honor never judgment or regret for I’ll become a better version of me once ive accepted this darkness will always be apart of me but my light will light up the dark couple years and keep it as a good reminded how close a call it was to losing my life all because I was weak and lost me.. Thank you for your beautiful words its really made me feel I know where I’m heading now xxxx

  2. Thank YOU, Emma. Sending Love and Light as you allow yourself the grace and the space to find your center and the courage to be cool with wherever that center falls in each moment. You got this! 🙂

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