Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

By: Gabrielle

Suddenly at the age of 38 I am now relating to a song that I used to think was silly and so ridiculously cliché. It was so demeaning to woman and labeling us into a submissive category and well…these were my hardcore feminist days in art school. Then I got out into the real world. Lived a lot, loved a lot, got hurt a lot and learned a lot.

Now you may say that this theory is just written from the perspective of a heterosexual relationship and well your right it is but I say it applies to both. I have never known a gay couple to not fall into some kind of place that was not dominant and submissive at least somewhat. After all opposites do attract. But either way this is just an opinionated column so take my advice with a grain of salt and make your own decisions. And also who to say that a woman may not be in the very dominate role and be the masculine one instead of the man, why not? It’s not for me but perhaps for someone else it works.

Lets not go into details but I have recently found myself back in the dating loop and well came across an issue that well I never thought I would have to think about again. Who pays for the date? Every article I came across quite frankly I found to be so politically correct, so overly cautious, that it really did not help me at all. Ummmm I just have to say it and it may not be the most popular with a lot of people but I have come to understand that although men and woman are equal, dare I say it, we are NOT the same. Nope, we are not. Many of the articles I came across were so… well we have to understand that this is 2012 and well dutch is very common place and blah, blah and I say to that, NO!

I want a man to be a man and to pay for the date, and if you are out of the house then that counts as a date. If you’re not married, not engaged, not living together then it’s a date. Even if you are married, engaged and or living together it’s still a date, period. We are not talking about household bills, credit cards etc. that’s another topic but when you’re out with a woman and its out, as in out in public… it’s a date…then I believe a man should pay. Why you say? Because it’s sexy and I like it and most other woman do too. Especially if money is no issue as so many men love to brag about. There I said it! I said it! No one crumbled, no one exploded. I did not suddenly lose my voting privileges.

Now ladies if you feel guilty about not paying, don’t and let me tell you why. You pay, believe you me, you pay! You get your hair done, you get your nails “did”, you buy makeup (which is expensive), perfume, accessories and I’m sure those sexy clothes that you bought for that exciting date were not cheap either not to mention the unmentionables underneath them. Yes, yes men do this too but are you actually considering their $10 haircuts, please? Make no mistake about it you are putting together a very attractive and expensive package. And guys don’t act like you don’t expect it because we are on to you.

Also consider this, some guys cook and that is awesome I love that, but lets face it most guys don’t. So I ask you, when the guy comes over who buys the groceries, snacks, drinks, who cooks? Girls, this is a chase, no doubt about it. He is the hunter and you are the prey. Have you ever met a man who did not like the chase? Me either, so lets set aside all political correctness here. This is primal, this is nature, a girl wants to know the man will go out make the kill and bring home the food. Ughhh, ala caveman days!

Now guys a word of advice if you want it to actually go anywhere and I don’t care how much your date insist she is OK with paying, either consciously or subconsciously she is not. And it would behoove you to not let her pay for any of that date because you will lose that respect and I guarantee she will be on the phone with her BFF talking about how you let her pay and how she cant believe it. If she really, really does not want you to pay it means that she is just not that into you, wants to keep it as friends and does not want you to expect anything. Get it! Ahhh, is it clear now? I’m not being a Bitch. I just speak true and I’m just trying to help you navigate the inner workings of woman’s mind which even Steven Hawking himself has admitted he can not figure out.

Ok now lets get real here, as if we have not already…lol…you don’t have to take us out to $100 dinners, its nice but we don’t expect it, or go out all the time, its ok to stay in, maybe you’ll get lucky and hopefully she is a good cook. If money is an issue after the first few dates then talk to her, if she is a nice girl she will understand and be ok with staying in. Or maybe talk to her about her own financial situation maybe she needs to stay in and can’t pay. Either way if your hearts are both in the right place, you can work it out. I would say if she does expect to be taken out to expensive dinners and dates ALL the time and does not just want a night or day in, then maybe you got something to worry about. If she asks you to pay for clothes, rent, gifts etc, then you have something to worry about. If you cant tell the difference between a nice girl and a not so nice girl then maybe you should reevaluate your own motives.

Now ladies you’re not off the hook, some of this may be our fault, have we confused men? I think we perhaps should have just stopped at equal rights and not insisted so much as being treated EXACTLY the same. Even the military still has to put up assisted blocks to climb that wall and we only get to do half push ups. I mean if a girl can climb that wall without the help and I know there are some who can, then more power to her but for the most part men and woman are not exactly the same. Where do we draw that line in the sand? Has the world now emasculated men? I think society as a whole has and has put them into utter and complete confusion, so we can’t blame them too much. But at some point enough is enough, Men for Gods sake pull it together and reclaim your masculinity back!

Oh and if you are wondering what song I was referring to.
“Where have all the cowboys gone.” by Paula Cole.

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6 Thoughts on “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

  1. Aside from the title (i hate that song you are referring to and now it’s in my head) I really enjoyed this blog. I’m 27 and it sounds pathetic but I experienced my first “official” date 2 years ago. Yeah, I’ve had relationships some long-term some not so long, but it was always friends first then just started being a couple but when we went out it never felt like dates it was what it was. Does that make sense?
    Anyways, when I had this “first date” I was totally nervous and didn’t know what to do or how to go about the whole who pays thing. After asking some friends I realized they were either in my same situation with past relationships or they would tell me that usually whoever initiates the date should be the one to pay. Example; he asks me out-he pays, I ask him out-I pay. Makes sense, I guess.
    This blog is great because I think if you’re going on your first date or even your 50th date the payment issue will always be questioned.
    I never thought of the fact that us girls really do pay no matter what. Getting sexified (new clothes, hair, etc) ain’t cheap! then again nothing is these days. There are always going to be people who will debate this subject because it can be the same for men…they could go out be getting hair cuts and new clothes and whatnot too and then be expected to pay for the actual date. It will be forever argued but I have to agree with the original poster!!

  2. If guys would realize what we do to please them, I think they would be more appreciative. I have learned to let the man pay.If he is able to and wants to-that says a lot. If he doesn’t want to after a while, you have to wonder if this guy values you or not.
    I had a great first date a few months ago and it was so nice to be treated like a lady. My guy even liked my manicure! That made my night and it turned out to be a hot date night! haha!

  3. As someone in a same sex relationship it gets even trickier with who pays for what. I always go by the rule of who ever ask who out pays. With that said I do bring some extra cash on me in case my date does not agree. But let it be known if you ask me out & don’t pay for the date your chance of a second date decrease greatly. Going dutch is common with same sex dates, but I think it show class and style when you pay for the date. If you’re the one who asked me out expect to pay… I promise I won’t order the lobster.

  4. Yes, I agree even as a strong woman myself, I’m sick and tired of always having to wear the pants. My parents were married 35 years and even though they shared a joint bank account. My dad always pulled out the wallet, yes its all show but who cares. It is sexy!

  5. Great story. I am modern but old fashioned, idealistic but realistic and I want my guy to do the proper thing. Pay for our dates. If I want to splurge and pay for something then hippie, hip, hip hooray!!!

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